liquids

been having a hard time keeping anything down all day today - am also feeling wiped out - possibly due to lack of calories. was pb-ing tea earlier. now trying to get some juice down - maybe have soup or yogurt for dinner...

a little worried b/c i haven't had this much restriction and pb-ing ever. hopefully food will start to go down...

well, there goes breakfast

yuck. well, i just pb'd the last of my breakfast. my band has been a lil tight lately so i prolly shoulda known better than to have a hard boiled egg and half a piece of toast for breakfast. i actually think it was okay until i had one bite too many. then i pb-d the extra. then i pb'd again. and now i just pb'd the last bit of it. guess eggs and toast don't go down too well.

partly i think once i start to pb, my gag reflex kicks in and most everything ends up coming out. i've been totally gross lately, i know. guess i'll stick to yoghurt for breakfast. sigh.

fill-up

i pretty much hit a plateau for the entire month of september. i skipped a fill appointment earlier in the month b/c my restriction felt okay but it seemed to loosen up as the month went along. in a bit of a panic due to a slight weight-gain, i scheduled for a fill last wednesday. why don't i do these things earlier?

actually, at first i was worried b/c my doc said he only put in a very small amount - i think about 2 cc's and i didn't feel the fill as much as i normally do right after. but since wednesday i seem to have tightened up a little and definitely have some good restriction going on. i was super-dehydrated on saturday morning from spending too much time in a hot tub on friday night and i ended up spitting up my morning water. i was a little freaked that i was having so much trouble with the water but it all settled down.

i had a couple pbs at restaurants this weekend...garggghhh...i think my problem is that when i eat with people i don't know so well, i feel like i have to eat what looks like a reasonable amount so my plate doesn't look full. i keep ordering normal entrees and then am only able to have a few bites before i should stop. but there's so much food on the plate that i feel like i look weird hardly eating anything. so then i eat past my full point and have to excuse myself to the bathroom to pb. gross, huh? sigh. i've definitely been eating less since last week tho and it's reflecting on the scale. hopefuly this downward trend will continue.

absent.

i feel like i've been absent from the lapband world for awhile now. after going on vacation it sorta feels like i've not yet returned to my "regular life". i've been outta town and outta the house for almost the whole month of september. sadly, the scale is reflecting this "extended vacation". i think i'm about 3 pounds down from where i was a month ago. that is kinda disappointing but makes sense b/c i've not exactly been a conscientious eater for about a month now.

and man, i've had some insane pb episodes from not eating carefully. the worst being a puking, in public, just outside wrigley field after a cubs game. holy hell. that was horrible - tho honestly, folks probably just figured i was drunk (like most folks around). i hadn't had a meat hotdog in years and that's what did it. i think i won't be returning to wrigley field or eating hotdogs for awhile, if ever.

but i'm back at home now and will hopefully be eating out a lot less. time to buckle down and start eating well again. also, probably time for a fill. i backed out of one a couple of weeks ago b/c i didn't feel like i needed one but i'm starting to feel a little loose again. should probably start working out too....

slow losing

well, i'm back from an extended vacation and managed to lose maybe a couple pounds while gone. mostly due to tons of walking and not being able to eat large portions of anything. i definitely did do some very bad eating on vacation, tho. jeebus, i discovered this dish called poutine (i was in canada) which is essentially fries, gravy and cheese curds. sounds gross, right? well it turns out to be one of the most delicious dishes ever. i had it several times - was only able to eat a few fries at most (fries seem to be a difficult food for me) and it was so, so good.

and then there's desserts, chocolate, chips, a bit of alcohol...it was a good eating trip. had a few pb's tho - including at least one public one (made it to the bathroom okay, thank god. i had gone up a few pounds from being under 250 but i weighed in (nervously) at 248 this morning. i wish i was lower but after all my bad eating this past week i'm really glad it's not higher.

finally closer to 200 than 300

busy week - i haven't been eating the best foods but they've been in pretty small quantities b/c my band has been feeling pretty tight. yesterday i definitely had some trouble w/ multiple foods during the day.

however, this morning i was officially under the 250 mark, making me closer to 200 than 300 for the first time in a long time. finally!

sleeping bags

i guess its been awhile since i was last in a sleeping bag - i would say a good 70 pounds ago. so i go to get a new one for a camping trip i've got coming up. i'm psyched about the trip, psyched to get a new bag and sleeping pad; i pick out a very nice looking grey-blue mummy one, take it home and attempt to zip myself up in it. oh my god, i felt so claustrophobic. it was way, way too tight. my legs felt like they couldn't move at all. it was horrible. it never really occurred to me that i could be too fat for a sleeping bag. first i thought it was just the bag but then i realized that i weighed much less the last time i went camping.

so i exchanged it today and got a nice square(r) bottom bag. it's cool and i'm happy with it but i seriously cannot wait to not have to worry about fitting into things anymore (theater seats, airplane seats, rollercoasters (not even going to attempt that anytime soon), etc...)