liquids

been having a hard time keeping anything down all day today - am also feeling wiped out - possibly due to lack of calories. was pb-ing tea earlier. now trying to get some juice down - maybe have soup or yogurt for dinner...

a little worried b/c i haven't had this much restriction and pb-ing ever. hopefully food will start to go down...

well, there goes breakfast

yuck. well, i just pb'd the last of my breakfast. my band has been a lil tight lately so i prolly shoulda known better than to have a hard boiled egg and half a piece of toast for breakfast. i actually think it was okay until i had one bite too many. then i pb-d the extra. then i pb'd again. and now i just pb'd the last bit of it. guess eggs and toast don't go down too well.

partly i think once i start to pb, my gag reflex kicks in and most everything ends up coming out. i've been totally gross lately, i know. guess i'll stick to yoghurt for breakfast. sigh.

fill-up

i pretty much hit a plateau for the entire month of september. i skipped a fill appointment earlier in the month b/c my restriction felt okay but it seemed to loosen up as the month went along. in a bit of a panic due to a slight weight-gain, i scheduled for a fill last wednesday. why don't i do these things earlier?

actually, at first i was worried b/c my doc said he only put in a very small amount - i think about 2 cc's and i didn't feel the fill as much as i normally do right after. but since wednesday i seem to have tightened up a little and definitely have some good restriction going on. i was super-dehydrated on saturday morning from spending too much time in a hot tub on friday night and i ended up spitting up my morning water. i was a little freaked that i was having so much trouble with the water but it all settled down.

i had a couple pbs at restaurants this weekend...garggghhh...i think my problem is that when i eat with people i don't know so well, i feel like i have to eat what looks like a reasonable amount so my plate doesn't look full. i keep ordering normal entrees and then am only able to have a few bites before i should stop. but there's so much food on the plate that i feel like i look weird hardly eating anything. so then i eat past my full point and have to excuse myself to the bathroom to pb. gross, huh? sigh. i've definitely been eating less since last week tho and it's reflecting on the scale. hopefuly this downward trend will continue.

absent.

i feel like i've been absent from the lapband world for awhile now. after going on vacation it sorta feels like i've not yet returned to my "regular life". i've been outta town and outta the house for almost the whole month of september. sadly, the scale is reflecting this "extended vacation". i think i'm about 3 pounds down from where i was a month ago. that is kinda disappointing but makes sense b/c i've not exactly been a conscientious eater for about a month now.

and man, i've had some insane pb episodes from not eating carefully. the worst being a puking, in public, just outside wrigley field after a cubs game. holy hell. that was horrible - tho honestly, folks probably just figured i was drunk (like most folks around). i hadn't had a meat hotdog in years and that's what did it. i think i won't be returning to wrigley field or eating hotdogs for awhile, if ever.

but i'm back at home now and will hopefully be eating out a lot less. time to buckle down and start eating well again. also, probably time for a fill. i backed out of one a couple of weeks ago b/c i didn't feel like i needed one but i'm starting to feel a little loose again. should probably start working out too....

slow losing

well, i'm back from an extended vacation and managed to lose maybe a couple pounds while gone. mostly due to tons of walking and not being able to eat large portions of anything. i definitely did do some very bad eating on vacation, tho. jeebus, i discovered this dish called poutine (i was in canada) which is essentially fries, gravy and cheese curds. sounds gross, right? well it turns out to be one of the most delicious dishes ever. i had it several times - was only able to eat a few fries at most (fries seem to be a difficult food for me) and it was so, so good.

and then there's desserts, chocolate, chips, a bit of alcohol...it was a good eating trip. had a few pb's tho - including at least one public one (made it to the bathroom okay, thank god. i had gone up a few pounds from being under 250 but i weighed in (nervously) at 248 this morning. i wish i was lower but after all my bad eating this past week i'm really glad it's not higher.

finally closer to 200 than 300

busy week - i haven't been eating the best foods but they've been in pretty small quantities b/c my band has been feeling pretty tight. yesterday i definitely had some trouble w/ multiple foods during the day.

however, this morning i was officially under the 250 mark, making me closer to 200 than 300 for the first time in a long time. finally!

sleeping bags

i guess its been awhile since i was last in a sleeping bag - i would say a good 70 pounds ago. so i go to get a new one for a camping trip i've got coming up. i'm psyched about the trip, psyched to get a new bag and sleeping pad; i pick out a very nice looking grey-blue mummy one, take it home and attempt to zip myself up in it. oh my god, i felt so claustrophobic. it was way, way too tight. my legs felt like they couldn't move at all. it was horrible. it never really occurred to me that i could be too fat for a sleeping bag. first i thought it was just the bag but then i realized that i weighed much less the last time i went camping.

so i exchanged it today and got a nice square(r) bottom bag. it's cool and i'm happy with it but i seriously cannot wait to not have to worry about fitting into things anymore (theater seats, airplane seats, rollercoasters (not even going to attempt that anytime soon), etc...)

tornado(s)!

wow. there are a couple of tornadoes around the chicagoland area. it got real dark real fast and started to lightning and thunder. i love thunderstorms but the tornado part is a little freaky. on a shite note, i've got another headache. it really feels like it's in my sinus area so i'm wondering if it's related to the barometric pressure outside at all. whatever it is, it sucks.

lollapalooza workout. sweet.

so this fill seems to be pretty decent. i don't feel too restricted that i can't eat out in public but i can sense my "full" better. or maybe i'm just being more aware and eating slowly since my fill was so recent. either way - it's going well.

went to lollapalooza last night. caught parts of a couple of shows but did a LOT of walking and it was damn hot and humid last night. i always forget how large grant park is. i think some of it is due to water loss but i'm down a little more than 2 pounds since my fill on thursday. that's pretty sweet.

is there a way to pb water gracefully?

i'm not so sure there is...well, went to my fill this morning. have lost 10 pounds since i was last there (about 7-8 weeks ago). Got some congrats but still feels like it's going really slowly. i asked my doc why some people seem to lose so much faster and he more or less recited the band rules: don't drink liquid calories (i'm guilty of having a bit of juice in the morning and milk at night), stop eating when you're full (i definitely still feel like i need to finish what's on my plate - especially b/c these days it seems like so little compared to what i used to eat)...and then he said that some people just don't really want to give up their food and that the people with the most trouble with the band usually have a strong connection to food. dammit. he more or less described what i've been doing wrong these past few weeks, which prolly explains why my scale hasn't budged.

so we're in the middle of the fill (he does it by filling all the way and then taking water out until it goes down easily enough) and i'm all filled up and just took in a half cup of water when...the needle pops out! i could not for the life of me lay back down to put it back in because i was so stuck with water - such a weird feeling, really, to not be able to down water...after a few minutes of spitting into the sink, i heaved 2 large PBs of h20 into the sink. i guess my doc has seen me naked on the surgery table so it shouldn't be such a big deal pb'ing in front of him but i still felt a little awkward. there's just no graceful way to get it out...but once it was out i felt much better. i think i got about .4cc's today.

i feel a renewed band commitment (this usually happens after a fill). now hopefully the numbers will start moving again!

to fill or not to fill...

well it looks like i'm going in for a fill tomorrow. hopefully it'll go okay. it's my fourth but i haven't had one since early june, i believe. i don't feel like my restriction is bad right now but it could maybe be better. i'm frustrated w/ my non-weight loss but i also know i could be eating better. mildly worried about being too tight...guess i'll find out tomorrow.

migraine tuesdays. blech.

today was kinda a sucky day. i was running around doing relatively mundane stuff for my work today. it was hot and humid in chicago so needless to say, i was stricken with the migraine. feck. what concerns me most is that i had one exactly a week ago. now i can sorta be down with getting a migraine 2x a month but not once a week. i took a relpax at dinner and that helped but i _hate_ having to take medication for my headaches.

mostly because i don't want to become dependent on meds but i was at a point once in my life where i was taking relpax every day and it was _really_ hard to get off that habit. the more relpax i take, the more i know i'll need to take. so i try to save them for migraine emergencies.

weight-wise i've been really stagnant for a couple weeks now. 255 to 256. the scale is just not wanting to budge. i scheduled a fill for this week but i'm not sure i need it. i've got relatively good restriction (tight, even during the morning thru afternoon) but everything loosens up at night and i can eat lots.

i don't want to be overfilled but i want a teeny bit more restriction. i still may cancel out on my thursday fill...

today was just a crappy day. i lost my favorite pen. i got a migraine. i had crappy work to do. i felt extra large today. there are ants in my apartment. my weight annoys me. what else can i complain about?

sigh.

did i say i was going to be good the next day?

i must've been mistaken. i really need to get better about night eating. i'm so restricted during the day, and hence, i eat well but by night when i've loosened up, i take the opportunity to mindlessly eat. my food journaling has been a bit absent these past few days so maybe if i start being more attentive to that, i'll pay a bit more attention to what i'm putting in my mouth.

sigh. needless to say, my weight has been fluctuating a few pounds. not a huge amount but dammit, i want to be at my lowest weight on any given day.

weekend woes and table 52

well, this last weekend involved some not so great eating. in general, i feel like i eat pretty well but all that good behavior sort of goes out the window when i go out to eat. this is also sorta okay for me because i used to eat out w/ my man many times a week and now it's only once or twice.

sunday we had a family function with lots of food. i think i actually may eat more slowly and carefully in front of people than when i'm home alone because i'm so paranoid about having a pb episode in public. so i ate slow, had a bit of salad, a bit of italian sausage, etc. but then i had several pieces of dessert - not so good but i'm totally helpless around cake.

after that function, we met up with some friends at jerry's - a sandwich shop in chicago where they had the largest sandwich menu i've ever come across. i wimped out and went with the grilled cheese (again, easier on the band) with granny smith apples. meal was pretty good. check out the insane menu for yourself at http://www.jerryssandwiches.com/

however, everything restaurant i've eaten in since being banded pales to where i had dinner tonight - table 52 in chicago. they've got a nice website: http://www.tablefifty-two.com/

if anyone is an oprah-fan, you'll probably know that art smith (whose restaurant it is) was (or is?) oprah's personal chef. he's known for southern comfort food and man his food was super-tasty. heavenly biscuits, fried green tomatoes with bacon and cheese, crab salad, blt pizza, ruby red trout on israeli couscous, macaroni and cheese, an outstanding catfish dish, the the four of us at dinner got 4 different desserts: pecan pie (the best i've ever had), 12-layer chocolate cake (fantastic frosting), hummingbird cake (his specialty) and a fruit cobbler (prolly my least favorite but still quite good.

needless to say, i haven't been such a great bandster today. i mean, i do have leftovers but i still felt like i was able to put away a fair bit of food. the band is so finicky. i swear, the morning i had a teeny bite of black bean cake and then i got really thirsty. so i figured it'd be okay b/c the bit was _so_ small but i ended up pb-ing all of the water i gulped down. doh! tight in the morning, loose at night - i suppose i'm not alone in this band phenomenon.

oh well. back to eating more s-m-r-t tomorrow.

salt and vinegar confessions

oh man. so i've been having relatively tight restriction lately - not able to eat too much before it gets really uncomfortable. it's weird how the feeling is not so much a "full" feeling but an increasing uncomfort level. some days i _really_ miss that big fat full feeling. but i s'pose having the band is all about not getting really full on foods all day, everyday. my eyes are still much bigger than my stomach. i wonder if that'll ever go away...

so anyway, a week or so ago i bought an enormous bag of salt and vinegar chips from costco (do they have anything that isn't size enormous?) - the bag has (had?) 28 servings. i've been relatively good about eating them in small amounts. until yesterday that is. i think i was stressed out about a conversation w/ the bf but before i went to sleep last night i watched 3 episodes of the facts of life (on hulu.com - awesome site)and ate 3 BOWLS of salt and vinegar chips. WTF? if anyone has ever had Kettle Corn SV chips, you'll know how addictive they are but I literally could not stop eating them last night. like, finish the bag not able to stop eating. So I'm pretty sure this means I can't be trusted around those damn chips. Or maybe just when I'm stressed...

oh, and the really wack thing is that this morning i was down a pound. this is a bad mental reinforcement that eating sv chips in massive quantities won't actually be detrimental to my weight loss.

4 month bandiversary

Rock! I've been trying to work harder on my diet these past few days (partly w/ the goal of being down 30 lbs by my 4 month bandiversary). And I did it! 30 lbs gone - Yay!

1st Post

well, here goes. since getting banded almost exactly 4 months ago, i've become a bit of a lap-band blog junkie. i love reading about other people's banding experiences and i suppose i figured that it's about time i start recording my own journey w/ 'the band'.

who knows what this will turn into? anyhoo, welcome to my blog!