is there a way to pb water gracefully?

i'm not so sure there is...well, went to my fill this morning. have lost 10 pounds since i was last there (about 7-8 weeks ago). Got some congrats but still feels like it's going really slowly. i asked my doc why some people seem to lose so much faster and he more or less recited the band rules: don't drink liquid calories (i'm guilty of having a bit of juice in the morning and milk at night), stop eating when you're full (i definitely still feel like i need to finish what's on my plate - especially b/c these days it seems like so little compared to what i used to eat)...and then he said that some people just don't really want to give up their food and that the people with the most trouble with the band usually have a strong connection to food. dammit. he more or less described what i've been doing wrong these past few weeks, which prolly explains why my scale hasn't budged.

so we're in the middle of the fill (he does it by filling all the way and then taking water out until it goes down easily enough) and i'm all filled up and just took in a half cup of water when...the needle pops out! i could not for the life of me lay back down to put it back in because i was so stuck with water - such a weird feeling, really, to not be able to down water...after a few minutes of spitting into the sink, i heaved 2 large PBs of h20 into the sink. i guess my doc has seen me naked on the surgery table so it shouldn't be such a big deal pb'ing in front of him but i still felt a little awkward. there's just no graceful way to get it out...but once it was out i felt much better. i think i got about .4cc's today.

i feel a renewed band commitment (this usually happens after a fill). now hopefully the numbers will start moving again!

to fill or not to fill...

well it looks like i'm going in for a fill tomorrow. hopefully it'll go okay. it's my fourth but i haven't had one since early june, i believe. i don't feel like my restriction is bad right now but it could maybe be better. i'm frustrated w/ my non-weight loss but i also know i could be eating better. mildly worried about being too tight...guess i'll find out tomorrow.

migraine tuesdays. blech.

today was kinda a sucky day. i was running around doing relatively mundane stuff for my work today. it was hot and humid in chicago so needless to say, i was stricken with the migraine. feck. what concerns me most is that i had one exactly a week ago. now i can sorta be down with getting a migraine 2x a month but not once a week. i took a relpax at dinner and that helped but i _hate_ having to take medication for my headaches.

mostly because i don't want to become dependent on meds but i was at a point once in my life where i was taking relpax every day and it was _really_ hard to get off that habit. the more relpax i take, the more i know i'll need to take. so i try to save them for migraine emergencies.

weight-wise i've been really stagnant for a couple weeks now. 255 to 256. the scale is just not wanting to budge. i scheduled a fill for this week but i'm not sure i need it. i've got relatively good restriction (tight, even during the morning thru afternoon) but everything loosens up at night and i can eat lots.

i don't want to be overfilled but i want a teeny bit more restriction. i still may cancel out on my thursday fill...

today was just a crappy day. i lost my favorite pen. i got a migraine. i had crappy work to do. i felt extra large today. there are ants in my apartment. my weight annoys me. what else can i complain about?

sigh.

did i say i was going to be good the next day?

i must've been mistaken. i really need to get better about night eating. i'm so restricted during the day, and hence, i eat well but by night when i've loosened up, i take the opportunity to mindlessly eat. my food journaling has been a bit absent these past few days so maybe if i start being more attentive to that, i'll pay a bit more attention to what i'm putting in my mouth.

sigh. needless to say, my weight has been fluctuating a few pounds. not a huge amount but dammit, i want to be at my lowest weight on any given day.

weekend woes and table 52

well, this last weekend involved some not so great eating. in general, i feel like i eat pretty well but all that good behavior sort of goes out the window when i go out to eat. this is also sorta okay for me because i used to eat out w/ my man many times a week and now it's only once or twice.

sunday we had a family function with lots of food. i think i actually may eat more slowly and carefully in front of people than when i'm home alone because i'm so paranoid about having a pb episode in public. so i ate slow, had a bit of salad, a bit of italian sausage, etc. but then i had several pieces of dessert - not so good but i'm totally helpless around cake.

after that function, we met up with some friends at jerry's - a sandwich shop in chicago where they had the largest sandwich menu i've ever come across. i wimped out and went with the grilled cheese (again, easier on the band) with granny smith apples. meal was pretty good. check out the insane menu for yourself at http://www.jerryssandwiches.com/

however, everything restaurant i've eaten in since being banded pales to where i had dinner tonight - table 52 in chicago. they've got a nice website: http://www.tablefifty-two.com/

if anyone is an oprah-fan, you'll probably know that art smith (whose restaurant it is) was (or is?) oprah's personal chef. he's known for southern comfort food and man his food was super-tasty. heavenly biscuits, fried green tomatoes with bacon and cheese, crab salad, blt pizza, ruby red trout on israeli couscous, macaroni and cheese, an outstanding catfish dish, the the four of us at dinner got 4 different desserts: pecan pie (the best i've ever had), 12-layer chocolate cake (fantastic frosting), hummingbird cake (his specialty) and a fruit cobbler (prolly my least favorite but still quite good.

needless to say, i haven't been such a great bandster today. i mean, i do have leftovers but i still felt like i was able to put away a fair bit of food. the band is so finicky. i swear, the morning i had a teeny bite of black bean cake and then i got really thirsty. so i figured it'd be okay b/c the bit was _so_ small but i ended up pb-ing all of the water i gulped down. doh! tight in the morning, loose at night - i suppose i'm not alone in this band phenomenon.

oh well. back to eating more s-m-r-t tomorrow.

salt and vinegar confessions

oh man. so i've been having relatively tight restriction lately - not able to eat too much before it gets really uncomfortable. it's weird how the feeling is not so much a "full" feeling but an increasing uncomfort level. some days i _really_ miss that big fat full feeling. but i s'pose having the band is all about not getting really full on foods all day, everyday. my eyes are still much bigger than my stomach. i wonder if that'll ever go away...

so anyway, a week or so ago i bought an enormous bag of salt and vinegar chips from costco (do they have anything that isn't size enormous?) - the bag has (had?) 28 servings. i've been relatively good about eating them in small amounts. until yesterday that is. i think i was stressed out about a conversation w/ the bf but before i went to sleep last night i watched 3 episodes of the facts of life (on hulu.com - awesome site)and ate 3 BOWLS of salt and vinegar chips. WTF? if anyone has ever had Kettle Corn SV chips, you'll know how addictive they are but I literally could not stop eating them last night. like, finish the bag not able to stop eating. So I'm pretty sure this means I can't be trusted around those damn chips. Or maybe just when I'm stressed...

oh, and the really wack thing is that this morning i was down a pound. this is a bad mental reinforcement that eating sv chips in massive quantities won't actually be detrimental to my weight loss.

4 month bandiversary

Rock! I've been trying to work harder on my diet these past few days (partly w/ the goal of being down 30 lbs by my 4 month bandiversary). And I did it! 30 lbs gone - Yay!

1st Post

well, here goes. since getting banded almost exactly 4 months ago, i've become a bit of a lap-band blog junkie. i love reading about other people's banding experiences and i suppose i figured that it's about time i start recording my own journey w/ 'the band'.

who knows what this will turn into? anyhoo, welcome to my blog!